White Moon
by Innocent Sake
Summary: Sakura is walking aimlessly around Tomoeda, at night while its raining thinking about what she thinks about the world around her and how she feels about her life. Please RR! I poured my heart and soul into this fic, not to mention sacrificed sleep


White Moon

Author's note: Sakura and Shaoran belong to Clamp. I only own this story. Everything in quotations are lyrics from the song "White Moon" which also does not belong to me.

Sakura is walking aimlessly, just thinking about all her feelings, thoughts, and ideas about the world around her...

_________________________________________________________________________

Sakura's Pov:

"Flowing, falling, a single star  
I've never known such sadness"

The stars... where my power is drawn from, all my hopes and wishes involved the stars... To see them now, shining so brightly angers me so. Why? They no longer bring me any hope, if anything I am jealous of those retched stars. They are never alone, always surrounded by other stars, never hurt. But me, I am alone... and I will always have hurt in my life because that is what life is about...happiness and pain.

"The freezingly white moon  
Bathes my body too much tonight"

I walk alone, in the rain, wondering what is going to be thrown at me next, what pitfall awaits me.

It's a full moon tonight...so beautiful. It bathes my body in its white light...but why? To show the world how alone I am? Probably... everything seems to be turning against me, even nature itself. I walk through the park and see couples all around me... Hehe, must be nice to have someone who knows you, who respects you. I thought I did have someone like that once, but it was a damn lie. He didn't know me, he didn't respect me! And I in turn found out that I didn't know him, but I did respect him. Love...is that what we had Shaoran? No, it couldn't have been because love is understanding, compassionate, respectful, trustworthy. I thought you were all those things and more, but alas I found that I was deluding myself with illusions. To think I thought we would always be together, I laugh at myself for ever thinking that. Nothing is forever and sometimes nothing is real either. Too bad, I was really hoping to have a real happy life, guess I will just have to delude myself into thinking I have one, just like I delude myself about other things.

"As though my eyes have just begun to see  
My sighs dance in the sky" 

My eyes are just barely realizing how fake and unhappy this world around me is. To most of the population, this world is not that bad, but to me it is. Sometimes I wonder if anything around me is real, maybe its just all an illusion, like my so-called "love" with Shaoran. But then again what do I know, I am just supposedly an innocent, very dense little girl. Some people don't treat me with the respect I should get, I am 16, I am not so little anymore and I am certainly not sucked into thinking that life is all fun and games. I know it's hard, I should know seeing as how my life is not so simple or normal. I look up at the full moon and sigh heavily about all these thoughts and ideas whirling around inside my mind. Maybe it would have been better if I were like the rest of the people around me... Not having to analyze everything around me... Ignorance is bliss, like someone once said. But what fun is it if I couldn't be myself, to be different? I really should stop with all the questions, thoughts and ideas...it's giving me quite a headache...

"I've heard the murmuring voices  
Somebody suddenly begins to sing" 

I continue walking through the park. Funny, it seems like I have been walking through this park forever, but never getting out of it. Oh well, it doesn't matter, I don't have anywhere to be... What happened to the sound of the rain and of the couples that surrounded me? I look around to see that the couples have gone, back home together I suppose. But the rain is still pouring, harder and harder, making it hard to see anything beyond the tip of my nose. The sound of the rain, I guess I just tuned it out...makes it easier to think my silly thoughts. Suddenly I can hear the pounding of the rain again. It sounds like thunder, crashing down destroying any and everything in its path. I then hear someone singing...it sounds like a man singing a very lonely, depressing song... I continue to walk toward where the voice is coming from, entranced by the song. Funny how I can be able to hear this song even with all the rain, maybe I was supposed to hear it? Could be...

"The one to hold my shivering shoulders  
Will surely someday come "

I shiver, seeing as how I am soaked... I thought I brought an umbrella with me, I guess I dropped it sometime ago without noticing. I continue walking toward the voice, and then I stop to see a young man sitting on a bench alone with no one else beside him. I guess I am not the only one who is alone tonight. I stay completely still, being content with listening to the man's voice. All of a sudden he stops and looks over to where I am standing. I gasp, I feel everything in me tighten...it's him. I could never forget the feel of that green aura of his. I can't see him really, it's all a blur because of the rain, but I can see and feel those intense amber-colored eyes staring at me. Why can't I move? Am I so weak that I can't even walk away? Is it because I am scared, no I could never be scared of him. I know it's because we parted on bad terms, I never thought I would see him again, but then again we do live in the same town so it was inevitable. He starts walking towards me. Should I stay or leave? Too late, he is already standing before me, but he says nothing at all. What does he want from me? Forgiveness for how badly he treated me? Does he want me to take him back? Whatever it is, I don't care. I stopped caring a long time ago. His lips move yet I don't hear a word, I try to tune him out, but he of course won't let me. He places his hands on my shoulders as if to comfort me, or most likely himself. I pull away from him violently as if his hands burn like fire. He looked at me sadly and asked if we could be together once more. Promising happiness, no more pain... It would be nice to be happy again, no pain at all... No! I can't give in, I am to smart to be tricked. I would say I know him all too well, but I don't...and I don't want to know him, not in this lifetime or the next. I just turn around and walk away, easy as that. I am tempted to look back, but by the way his aura feels I could definitely conclude that I have killed all his hopes of getting me back to make his life one that is of happiness. Like I said before, we weren't destined to be, and if we were, well fate is just going to have to figure out that whatever I once felt for him turned out to be a lie and nothing more.

"The dawn only invites pain"

As I find myself walking out of the park, I see the sun has started to rise up and bring upon a new day, a new beginning you could say. For me it seems that the dawn will only bring me more pain. Maybe one day I will have a new beginning where things are better, maybe even happier. But for now the rising sun brings me nothing new. The rain finally stopped and there is now a rainbow in the sky. They say that you will find happiness if you can find the rainbow's end. Wonder if that could be true, what am I thinking? That is just a silly, childish thing to think. For I know it's not true. As a child I could see myself doing such a thing, trying to find the end of the rainbow, but I never did...I wish I had. I now walk through town and see that the stores are starting to open, hoping to make a buck or two today. Maybe I should head on home? But what waits for me there? Nothing is the answer...no one is there to greet me seeing as how I live alone. I will walk a little longer... just a bit...

"The now unsleeping world, the still-unawakened world  
Now forget the strife--just remember what you wish for"

The sun is up and so is the rest of the world, now refreshed from their night's worth of sleep. Whatever anger, sadness, or pain that was felt the day before has now been washed away and forgotten. Too bad that what I feel can't easily be forgotten, for the memories are embedded in my mind and aim to stay there, never letting me forget the bad times, but at the same time letting me forget all the good times as well. I guess I really should try and forget. But it's not that easy. If I forgot all that has happened to me I might just be stupid enough to do it again and again and end up in a vicious cycle of hurting myself. I wish...I wish I could be that genki (happy) girl that I once was. The genki girl who had no worries and always cared about others and never seemed to have any problems, the innocent girl who really didn't see the world for what it was, but saw it for what she wanted it to be. Those were the days of unbridled happiness, ignorant bliss. Even though I know it's impossible for me go back to being that person of the past, I will always remember how I wish I could.

"The freezingly white moon  
Bathes my body too much tonight"

I have finally dried up and am no longer soaking wet thank god. I told myself I was only going to walk for just a bit longer, but it seems I overextended that and the moon has once again come up into the dark sky and brightened it up. It is no longer a full moon, which I am thankful for, because I need no light upon me tonight. My thoughts have finally come to an end, at least for now... I sigh and a single tear rolls down my cheek. I look up to the sky and ask "Why can't I have happiness and love in my life, why?!" I notice that I keep screaming "Why?!" over and over again thinking I will get an answer from the moon and stars, but I never do. I fall to the ground on my knees and just let out the tears that I have been holding in for so long. I hit my fists against the cement over and over again, never feeling any pain... I wish I could feel something, anything that was remotely close to happiness or love. But the heavens have damned me to a life without those feelings, I thought I could get along just fine, but I can't... And yet I must...I now just sit on the ground and look up at the white moon and I stop all thoughts in my mind and just look at the moon and for a second just pretend that I have the perfect life... just for a little bit...

The End...


End file.
